What's in there? Nuffin...He is risen!

We had a great day celebrating the Resurrection with family on both sides. Lots of food & Luke's first real egg hunt. The end of the day ended with an over-tired, over-sugared, over-stimulated 2 year old. This moment, however, makes me smile :)

My baby is TWO

My baby turned TWO on February 9. My BABY! I think I've become more sensitive since Everett has been born, hormones maybe ;) But I when I look at Everett and see how little Luke once was and how much he's grown I just can't believe it. We had a great time celebrating his birthday with a day just for Luke. We think his love language is quality time so we had just that - a day full of quality time just for Luke! Billy had been traveling all week so Luke's first surprise was to wake up to a big breakfast with his most favorite person, daddy. It was a feast of his favorites - blueberry pancakes, sausage & orange juice. For lunch we met up with his Gigi & Big D at another favorite, Chik Fil A. The staff made it extra special and brought out a balloon and ice cream with a candle ... yet another reason why we love Chik Fil A. After nap time we let him open his present from us which was a tricycle, so we of course spent the entire afternoon outside. That night we had Nana and Papa & a close friend over for supper: pizza & fruit salad topped with the cake he so preciously (is that a word) asked for: Chocolate with M&M's and orange frosting on top. I'll blame the lop-sidedness of the cake on the narcotics & sleep deprivation due to the c-section a week earlier ;)

So our sweet Luke.... He is full of life. And he takes in every bit of life as well. He is an observer, not quite the life of the party. He absorbs everything and takes a while to warm up to anyone or anything new. Quite sensitive, actually. He is a child of repetition and tradition. If you do something one way one time then that's what he expects from now until forever. His memory is amazing/scary. His sense of direction as well - the fact that he can tell us which way is "this" and what's coming next on a certain road is unbelievable. He loves music and instruments, especially on Sunday mornings. It's recently become our bribing tool for getting him to go to Sunday School - he gets to come and worship with the guitars and drums and Mr. Jad afterwards. He absolutely adores each one of his grandparents. They each share a unique and special bond with him which he loves. He is our quality time child. To sit down and read a book with him or lay on the floor to play a game fills his little heart right up. His affection for his daddy can compare to no one. He is still not much of a snuggler unless, of course, he is with daddy. He is very vocal and verbal and once he gets going he doesn't stop. He loves to speak of himself, such as, "Good job, Luke" or "Dat's right, Luke" or "Luke doin it dis way." He is also the master of trying to negotiate... two more of this, one more of this, do it this way, other one, etc. It can be funny at times but we are trying to teach him that he is not in authority around here... hah! He loves to learn and explore. He is very hands on and loves to play "games" or have craft time. He brings so much laughter and amusement to our lives. We are so thankful for our spunky, energetic and sensitive Luke. Here's a few of Luke's favorites at age TWO!

Favorite Person:

Daddy, of course.

Favorite Foods:

hot dogs or sausage

Chikfila nuggets

broccoli

zucchini

blueberry and raspberry greek yogurt

chicken

shredded cheese (but not cubed or sticks..)

cashews

peaches, blueberries, apples, pears, kiwis...any fruit is a win

Any and all sweets - mostly M&M's

Favorite Activities:

ANYTHING outdoors

T Ball

Reading books together, not by himself

Going to the library for craft and story time

COOKING - the boy loves to be in the kitchen with me or outside grilling with daddy

Digging holes

Drawing circles. It's kind of his obsession right now.

Any art projects or coloring

Favorite Music:

The Wiggles, Hot Potato - All. Day. Long.

Most worship music...anything with a Hallelujah, glory, great or praise gets him a little excited.

Favorite Things:

Firetrucks, ambulances, police cars

Trains, especially the one you can ride at Pullen Park

Ducks and geese

Elmo's World

Favorite Sayings - things HE says that I LOVE:

Any sentence he speaks of himself using "Luke"

"Hot diggy dog!"

"Good job, mommy!"

"Hey little buddy, Everett!"

"Whoa der, tiger"

"Glory to GOD"

And here are a few of my favorite pictures... insert mommy tears here ;)

2 week old

6 Months

1 Year Old!

18 Months

And here is he is, all big and TWO!!!

Everett Liam Grimme

Well...he is here :)

Our bundle of squishy edible goodness was born on January 30 at 7:42 pm. He weighed 7 lbs 13 ounces and 21 1/2 inches in length.

Everett was born after a long night and day full of waiting waiting waiting! Going into the induction we knew it could result in a c-section and were praying that regardless of how Everett made his debut, it would be uneventful and all would be healthy. We are so thankful for how the Lord took care of us. We began the induction on Sunday night, started petocin first thing Monday morning and after rapid progression, my water breaking and making it to 10 cm by 1:00 the nurses brought everything in for Everett anticipating his birth by about 3:o0. We learned quickly that Everett was proving to be just as stubborn as his sweet brother Luke :) Our long and lean little boy kept his hands by his face and decided to do a little twisting as he dropped so the likelihood of him coming out without any trauma to he or myself was very slim. He handled the 2 hours of pushing and waiting very well, and as we talked through everything with our Dr's the Lord made it very clear that a c-section was "our only option." So, at 7:42 our sweet Everett arrived and by 9:00 we were all together and settled in our room!

Monday marks 4 weeks and I am finally feeling like I've come out of a deep fog. For those of you who visited or talked with me in the first two weeks, I'm so sorry for anything absurd that came out of my mouth... Or if I didn't say anything at all...

A little about our littlest: He is very different than Luke. And we love it. And Luke loves him. Lots of love going on. He is a snuggler. The more blankets and body heat the better. In fact, I really think that if Billy would let Everett sleep on him all day, the child would not wake up to eat. We are also pretty confident he is allergic to dairy right now. Since cutting all dairy out of my diet he is so much more comfortable and much more predictable. He is very tan like Billy's side of the family but has my family's facial features. He is incredibly long (shocker.).

We are smitten with the boys the Lord has given us. We are exhausted...but oh so. in. love.

4 Days and counting...

Just 4 more days until we meet our sweet Everett! I wish I knew his full name but a few weeks ago Billy decided he didn't like William anymore so we are tossing around a few other ideas. As you may recall with Luke it took Billy FOREVER to find a name that I suggested and he loved. Finally a couple days before Luke was born I called him at work and this was our conversation:

Lily - "I'm at the craft store and need to buy letters for his room. Pick a first name."

Billy -"Lucas"

Lily - "Ok, middle name options are Manning or Michael. Go."

Billy - "Michael."

Lily - "Awesome, see you tonight!"

So...who knows, maybe we'll decide when we see him :)

Ok, back to 4 more days!! This week every day has been our "last day" before we are a family of 4. Today is our last Thursday which means the last time I clean house and do laundry for only 3 of us. Tomorrow is our last play date with friends before I try and get out of the house with 2 kiddos. Last night Billy and I went out to dinner and it was our last date leaving just 1 kid behind! So crazy to think about but as Billy and I often chat before falling asleep we are just so excited to see the joy this baby brings to our family!! Luke is a delight. He is exhausting and full of energy, and lately full of naughty. But oh my gracious we love it. We are constantly laughing together and seeing life through the eyes of our precious almost-two-year-old. Don't get me wrong. It is straight up crazy-town most days when you walk through our front door. And some nights I am in tears confessing to my husband how I totally bombed the day... But it's a good crazy. A learning crazy...a growing crazy... And in 4 days we will be adding another kind of crazy to the mix :)

A quick update from the Dr - I'm making some progress surprisingly, but this baby is still holding onto my tonsils. In fact, yesterday at my appointment my precious Dr. looked at me while feeling my belly and said, "He's so high that I am holding his head in one hand and his bottom in the other." It's true. She was. But she said from holding him like that he's definitely not as big as Luke. So we are winning there. I go back again tomorrow to see if there's any more progress before we decide about going in on Sunday night versus Monday morning. Personally I just want to get this show on the road and go ahead in on Sunday night but who knows, maybe I will go into labor! But probably not.

This week I've been anxious, wondering through all the "what-if's." I have lost a lot of sleep thinking about the terrible, unable to focus on the promises of God. On Tuesday night out of desperation for sleep I asked Billy to pray over me before we turned the lights out. One thing he prayed for specifically was for the Lord to give me dreams of our little baby boy, that I would find comfort knowing that He has already gone before us and knows the special day and time for this baby. I woke up so refreshed after a full night's sleep AND a sweet sweet dream of our big, but to us seeming so tiny, baby that in my dream had already been born. Thank you, Lord!! What a gift!

God has given me many promises through his Word. While we do not know what will happen, He does. And he will carry us through whatever happens, just like He always has. I invite you to pray with us over the coming days. For my anxiety, for a healthy and uneventful delivery for Everett and I, and for a sweet transition into our new life of 4.

"I am still confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord." Psalm 27:13

"It is the LORD who goes before you. He will be with you; he will not leave you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed." Deuteronomy 31:8

The Pros of Having [another] Big Baby

1. More to squish and cuddle.

2. Big babies are generally less lazy eaters.

3. Big babies (from my limited experience) love their nighttime sleep.

4. He will be able to fit into all of Luke's baby clothes, and might actually be able to wear newborn size for longer than 1 week.

5. By the time he is born his total weight alone will be 1/3 of my total weight gained. Yay for fitting into my clothes a little more quickly.

6. He will be able to wear cloth diapers pretty quickly.

7. He will not feel out of place among his big brother, big dog, and big father.

8. Did I mention more to squish and cuddle? :D

What can I say. We make big babies.

I'm not sure what I was expecting this time. Actually, I do. I was expecting many things. That by counting my calories, watching the scale, staying active (as if there's an option when raising a two year old) and walking two miles on a regular basis I would have a smaller baby. Not only would I have a smaller baby, that I would actually go into labor with my smaller baby. And early, of course. This time around I consumed less - and healthier - calories (With the exception of a few pepperidge farm 3 layer chocolate cakes ...). I watched the scale very carefully each week. I was and am extremely active with my sweet boys. And I am still at 37.5 weeks pregnant vigorously walking a solid 2+ miles multiple times a week. And let me tell you folks - our baby is not smaller; It is very unlikely that I will go into labor; and early is laughable.

At 28 weeks we knew he was in the 66 percentile, which on a bell curve really isn't that bad or big. My belly has measured appropriately and my weight has been glamorous considered to the gluttony with Luke. At this past appointment I was hoping for huge things - a shrimp on the ultrasound screen, more dilation, that he dropped - I was trying to convince myself that surely she would do an exam and send us on over to the hospital. But let's be honest, deep down I knew this wouldn't be the case. I was so hoping for different results but really in my heart I was prepared for what she would say. At 37 weeks our sweet one is measuring at 39 weeks. I'm chuckling as I write this. On the ultrasound screen he measures at 7 lbs 9 oz but both the ultrasound tech and the dr. are giving us a more realistic estimate of 7 lbs 14 oz. Sweet of them :) My cervix - is that weird to talk about? - is still far back and hasn't shown any signs of being ready give up Everett. Everett is still high, minus 2 station. And Lord have mercy, this little boy's cheeks are CHUBBY! I'm so ready to snuggle on him!

I was frustrated and annoyed. Very disappointed, but unsure of why exactly. We have been praying for a healthy baby boy, right? He is indeed very very healthy. After taking some time to process what this means for delivery I finally figured out what has and is frustrating me the most. We have to decide his birthday. January 30 being an induction or February 1 being a c-section. I don't want to decide. I want to surrender this and say, Lord bring him into this world when you want! But at the end of the day, we still have to decide between these two dates. We have to look at all the options, all the risks associated with the two, all the risks that can be eliminated with the two, the recovery options, and then choose his birthday. And. I. Hate. It. My mind reels with the "what if's" not because I think of what could happen, but because I think of what did happen. And with every "what if" there is an explanation of how this could and more than likely will go differently. So then I'm just back to having to choose between the two. After processing all of the above and praying fervently for clarity we've decided on inducing at 39 weeks, which is January 30. We feel very confident in our Dr's recommendation and we are excited to meet him so soon. Luke has big plans for baby Everett. So far they include giving him his lovey, showing him his Curious Buddies DVD, helping rock his car seat if he is crying and showing him library time with Miss Martha. He also talks about playing rough with Everett and giving him bubble bellies.

Baby #2!!!

We are so thrilled to have seen our sweet little BOY number two today!!! I really feel like the Lord has been telling me to pray for an Abigail before we even got pregnant but today I woke up and thought - Abigail is for later whether our adopted daughter or biological. But today I will wear blue for boy. And I was right!

Everything about this pregnancy (minus the morning sickness) has been so different emotionally. I feel like now that we know how precious life is and how precious parenting is, we are so much more drawn and excited to this pregnancy. Not that we weren't before, we were of course thrilled with Luke. But this time we know how beautiful it is on this side of things and to get to see our precious boy in my belly today was absolutely wonderful. We came home with a CD full of 3D and what is it - 2D? images for free and our ultrasound tech's excitement was so awesome the entire time. With every toe, finger and heart beat that we saw she talked to our baby as if it were her own. Very sweet.

This time around my weight has been a huge issue (as in, don't gain 55 pounds please) but after seeing that we're having another boy and he's already measuring ahead despite my low weight gain we are confident that Billy & Lily Grimme make long babies :) Here are a few pictures to date - we will have another ultrasound at 28 weeks and 38 weeks to make sure there are no surprises upon delivery and to decide how to move forward with delivery. After today we decided induction is not on the table so we will either have a miraculous natural delivery before 39 weeks or a C-Section at 39 weeks.

Here are a few pictures of our precious son number 2!

Luke at 18 Months

I started writing this post while Luke was sleeping about a month ago. He woke up. Shocker :)

Little man is officially 18 months old and boy what a whirlwind the past few months have been. Active is an understatement. We hit the ground running around 7 am every day and don't slow down until it's time for bed. He takes a good two hour nap (although today we're pushing 3...) every day which is a nice break for one tired mama! He dropped from an uncharted height (greater than 110% they stop charting) to back in the 97% where he has stayed most of his life, in the 75% for weight and is talking. up. a. storm. Very rare for an 18 month old boy to talk as much as he does.

He is most definitely an introvert like his father at this point. At home he is WILD. By wild I mean running around the house "so fast", chasing Wyatt, trying to ride Wyatt, standing on his train and truck instead of riding his train and truck, climbing and jumping off of EVERYTHING, spinning in circles until he cannot hold himself up - then repeating all of that about 10 times everyday. The minute we get with friends or other children he observes. It takes him about an hour to really warm up and let loose. He beats to his own little drum (which is fine by me!) and is in no way interested in following others.

We started potty training about two weeks ago and it's going really well. I would say he's 75% there with accidents only occurring out in public when I can't get him to a potty in time. He also moved on up to a toddler bed..I won't lie, the first couple of nights I climbed in with him since he looked too big for my liking. I can't believe my baby isn't in a crib anymore!!! He thinks he's big stuff. It started out great until he figured out child-proof door knobs. We had to go back to the drawing board and thankfully after introducing him to Billy's old monkey from when he was a child, he's back to staying in bed for the night and sleeping well for the most part.

Favorite Foods:

Hot diggity dogs. And that's what he calls them. Pickles - favorite is an understatement. Chocolate ice cream. Broccoli. Peaches. Any kind of melon. Blueberries. Mandarin oranges.

Favorite Activity:

Anything OUTSIDE. And this mama is not so interested in the hot and bothered business so I feel kind of bad for how little time we've actually spent outside recently. 90's-100's isn't really my thing. He's also a huge fan of coloring/writing. A lot of people ask how he knows so much (colors, alphabet, numbers, etc) and I really think it's because he will sit and color for a solid 45 minutes multiple times a day and all he wants you to do is write letters and numbers or draw things for him while he talks all about it. It's really very fascinating.

Favorite Person:

DADDY - of course! He loves to do anything like his daddy, say anything like his daddy (hence the hot diggity dog phrase), be anything like his daddy. They are two peas in a pod and twins with 28 years in between.

And here's a few favorites of our Little BIG Boy! It's sad how few pictures we've taken this month. Maybe I'll take a some today just for fun.

Big Boy Thomas Pants

Happiest boy ever. 5 Minutes later telling him we're going inside, not so much.

Like I said, twins. Helping me can tomatoes.

6 Months Already???

My little boy turned 6 months old yesterday. I can't BELIEVE it. What is even harder to believe is that in 6 months I will have a 1 year old! We are blessed beyond belief with the amazing gift of our son, Luke. We are humbled daily as we continue to walk out this journey called Parenthood.

The past two weeks have been fun, and busy of course :) Billy and I went to Chapel Hill for a night away to celebrate our 2 year anniversary. It was such a treat, and Billy's parents did a great job watching Luke. Luke loves them so much and we are SO grateful to have family close by that will watch Luke in a heartbeat. Then we went to see our awesome sister and brother in Gainesville, Georgia. What a great time of relaxing and fellowship it was. Billy's sister, Sarah, is 10 weeks pregnant! I am so excited for her and it was fun to chat it up about pregnancy stuff. On that note, maybe I should mention that we ... HAH. Totally kidding. Let's work on paying the first one off.... Anyways, back to Georgia. We spent the day in Atlanta at the Coke Factory. Very fun. We also spent time on the lake, also lots of fun. Ray and Sarah are naturals with Luke and put up with his extreme fussiness due to lack of sleep...bless them.

Then we journeyed into the mountains with my mom's extended family. We all stayed in cabins scattered throughout Vogel State Park. I grew up going to this state park yearly with my family and extended. While we were there I had a lot of time of reflection on all God has done in my life the past 10 years. He taught me about heritage and more importantly He reminded me of all that He saved and protected me from. It was VERY relaxing and beautiful weather. We were tucked away in a valley of the Blue Ridge Mountains where we took hikes to the waterfalls, took lots of naps, tootled around town to random country stores, and ate some gooooood southern food with my biiiiiiig southern family. There was one night that I totaled up the number of butter sticks used in our meal that night. 8 sticks of butter for 12 people. Shew! Billy and I were very blessed to spend time with my great uncle & aunt, Larry and Rita. What a beautiful couple they are and such a sweet example of a marriage that sticks it out through it all! Through various diseases, financial hardships, business deals (good and bad), they are more in love than anyone I've ever met. They were a real treat to be around!

Herbalife is going great! Not only are other people trying it out and seeing great benefits to their health, but Billy and I are both noticing changes regularly! Billy lost 5 pounds, his milk allergy is gone, and his allergic reaction to a glass of beer is gone as well. I also stopped loosing all my hair (after Luke was born, my hair was falling out in mass quantities...a little scary!). We've had fun coming up with delicious recipes for our shakes...so yummy and so good for you.

Here's a few snapshots:

2 Year Anniversary :)

Luke stands!

Family shot at Vogel State Park before hiking to the water falls

Luke & Aunt Sarah!

Billy, Luke & Uncle Ray at the Coke Factory

Luke & Billy down by the waterfalls in Georgia

One month ago today...

Billy and I with our boy, Lucas Michael, on Saturday, February 13...the day he was discharged out of the NICU into our room :)

One month ago today, our precious son, Lucas Michael, was born. The first two weeks I didn’t want to think about our story. It was rough and hard to think about for a while. But I have been replaying our birth story over and over in my head for the past two weeks thinking, “I need to write this down so I don’t forget.”

In church we just finished a series titled, I Will. It was awesome and once again challenged Billy and I to step out and trust God in new ways. When I think back on our birth story and the weeks following I am reminded of the children’s song that we have referenced multiple times throughout our series at Southbridge Fellowship that I single daily to Luke: My God is so big, so strong and so mighty there is NOTHING my God cannot do. This is the essence of our story...get ready, this is going to be a long one :)

I was induced on Monday night, my water broke on Tuesday morning. Everyone says that it’s a huge gush. No gush action here. First clue of the day: Baby is way over due. They broke my water again later in the day. Again, no huge gush. Hardly anything. 2nd Clue of the day: baby is way overdue. Because of this and the color they knew that Luke had a BM in my womb and would have to have the special care nurses come in after delivery to help with cleaning him off - no big deal, it happens often....

Throughout the day the Dr’s and nurses would feel my belly and guess how much Lucas weighed. Everyone guessed in the 8 lb 3oz range, estimating that he was very long but very lean. Around 11:00 am they decided they were going to increase my petocin significantly because Lucas still wasn’t dropping and I was exactly where I had been for the past 4 weeks....nowhere. My contractions thus far were really mild, but something kept telling me “Get the epidural just in case...” Praise God. The epidural was quite a pain (heh) and after the 2nd try getting it in and a wet drip that caused a migraine and vomiting for the next three hours, I was pain free and getting ready for pushing... After two hours of pushing, this is what I remember: “SHOULDERS!” - nurse slams a button, jumps on my stomach, 3 more nurses come running in, lots of blood, and everyone screaming “PUSH!!!” I close my eyes because the look on Billy’s face is slightly frightening...I scream back, “I am pushing...and so is the girl on my stomach and the three other nurses!!!!” Then I remember a vacuum and my Dr’s hands reaching in and pulling Luke on out - can we say praise the Lord I got an epidural??? He didn’t cry at first, which is good because of the meconium he was covered in. They tried to remove all that they could, but it was too late. On his way out he got stuck on my pubic bone (hence the “SHOULDERS!”) and inhaled a ton of it. I got to hold our son for a minute, and then they took him away. Billy decided to go with him just in case - not knowing the extent or severity of his issues. Oh - and when they weighed him, we did NOT have a 8 lb 3 oz. baby...try 9 lbs. 5 oz. Again - praise the Lord for the epidural.

After they took Luke out they had a lot of repair work to do on me, but they gave me a ton of pain medicine so I was happy as a clam. Looking back, it was kind of eery and I’m sure my family thought I was insane - my son was just taken to special care because he can’t breath on his own, I lost 1/3 of my blood, they’re using 6 spools of stitches to fix the damage...and I’m smiling and giggling telling everyone, Lucas Michael is here!! I think I even put on lip gloss and some powder to freshen up as they were taking care of my stitches??

I told you this was going to be long :)

A few hours later everything started to sink in. Billy was wonderful and stayed with our son while I got some food and my family came in to see me. He was very careful with the pictures and information he sent me until he was able to be in our room without any company. That night around 11:00 after all family was gone and Billy and I had a change to eat and talk about our excitement and the fact that our little boy was here (though still in special care) the neonatologist came in. The look on his face = not good. at all. He pulled up a chair and starts telling us everything that’s going on. Luke wasn’t able to get a full breath because his lungs were completely coated in meconium. He was so worked up and his body was trying so hard that it was like he went into distress. They decided to sedate him and were forced to intubate him and put him on 100% oxygen. Then the kicker - they didn’t think they had the type of facility that Lucas needed so depending on his status over the next hour or two, they would likely need to transfer him to UNC or Wake Med. While mom stayed at the hospital to recover. They estimated that the earliest time of Luke being able to come home with us would be 10 days. As it started to sink in I was just kind of shocked. I think I was more concerned about not being able to go home with him than the oxygen thing...and then the pediatrician came in. Pulled up a chair, and broke it down for us even further. At that point I think all meds started to wear off my brain and Billy finally processed with me everything that happened and that was taking place. After the pediatrician left, Billy came to the bedside and knelt down by me to pray. We closed our eyes...and silence. Nothing came out except tears. Our little boy was truly fighting with every bit of his body to try and breath on his own but just couldn’t get it. We cried out to the Lord, we asked very specifically that He would breath LIFE into Luke’s lungs, that He would heal our son and do only what He can do, that the only explanation of our son recovering would be the Lord’s mighty hand.

Through the night we slept what we were able but around 3:00 am I started to feel every bit of what happened in the previous hours. My body felt like it took a beating and NONE of the pain meds were working. I was shivering and couldn’t find any way to lay, stand, or sit that would relieve any pain. My nurse decided to take a look at everything to make sure nothing was wrong - good thing she checked. She noticed a small hematoma, which can be common and wasn’t a huge deal. But as the morning went on and I couldn’t manage to go to the bathroom, the pain only got worse and worse. For a couple hours I just laid in the bed shivering and trying to take deep breaths hoping that maybe I could relax enough to just fall asleep.

That morning at 9:00 am, the neonatologist came in and said, “We were able to take Luke off the intubator, he’s breathing on his own.” What a very specific and incredible answer to prayer! The next few hours were pretty critical. He was still under an oxygen hood and was having some assistance with the breathing, but the fact that they could remove the intubator was way more than the dr’s anticipated. My God is so great, so strong and so mighty...yep, you know the rest :) There is NOTHING my God cannot do.

A few hours later my wonderful nurse came in to see if I’d gone to the bathroom. When she realized I hadn’t gone to the bathroom yet, she quickly drained my bladder - over 1 liter!! I felt SO much better. The pain started decreasing immediately and I started to feel normal. I was determined to go visit our son. I got dressed and ready, and was feeling pretty good...considering :) The Dr’s and nurses down the hall kept saying, “Wow, Lily you look wonderful like a new person!” They were cheering me on as Billy pushed me down the hall in the wheel chair - the staff in our pod was always such an encouragement to us. We got to visit with Luke a little bit and my dr. decided to follow us. She started asking me several questions while we were visiting with Luke and for whatever reason, based on my answers, she decided she wanted to start monitoring my blood levels and immediately put me on IV antibiotics. Every two hours I was getting blood drawn. Praise the Lord for such an attentive Dr...my blood levels were rapidly dropping. That hematoma that was previously oh so little, started filling up with blood as soon as my bladder was drained. As the afternoon and evening went on, it was very obvious that I was losing blood. I wasn’t able to stay awake or focused to even have a conversation with my dr. and I couldn’t hold Luke for more than 5 minutes before my eyes would start to close. Just as soon as our son began to turn around it was like I started fading faster and faster. The next Dr. on call came in with scrubs on and broke it down for Billy and I after they did a CT scan...my hematoma was the size of a sheet of paper. It looked as though it had stopped bleeding but in order to turn around I would need a 2 pint blood transfusion to restore all that I’d lost. If the blood transfusion didn’t work, then I would go to surgery in the morning and they would seal it, then drain it. If it did seal off on it’s own, then we would watch to see if I could get by without an infection - 25% chance. If I got an infection, they would go in and drain it. After he left I just cried and cried...again? Something else? I finally start to feel better, and something is wrong. My son is doing better yet I’m not even strong enough to hold him or talk to him because after 5 minutes of anything I feel faint. Through the night it was a waiting game - checking my blood every 2 hours while getting the blood transfusion. Seeing how my white cells and my HH levels were doing. I slept through pretty much all of it and in the morning I anxiously waited for the Dr’s report. We did it...we made it through the night and my hematoma stopped bleeding! Again...God carried us through and stopped the bleeding. Throughout the day I really did start to feel a significant difference in the pain as well as my energy.

The next amazing thing - our son was moving out of the NICU into the “lesser” NICU - for us that was a big deal :) He was completely off of all oxygen, was breathing totally on his own, his lungs were free of the meconium, and he was alert as can be. When we went in to go visit, the neonatologist wanted me to try and nurse him - what?! A - there’s no way I have any milk seeing as I have been without most of my blood for the past 24 hours, and B - he’s been on IV fluids and lipids, sucking a passy for the past 48 hours...there’s no way he’s going to be able to nurse. Wrong and Wrong - against ALL odds, he learned to nurse immediately and I randomly had milk to give him. All together now - My God is so great...so strong and so mighty.... :)

Again monitoring my white blood count and my HH levels, things were looking pretty good but we were just trying to stay out of the 25% and get past the infection zone. Our Dr. came in to talk with us and said we would likely be discharged on Sunday or Monday depending on how I did through the weekend. Billy and I were spending a ton of time in the NICU with Luke and loving every minute of it. I was still trying to regain strength but it was so wonderful to finally get to hold and take care of my little one. Then, it was like Christmas. The neonatologist discharged Luke to our room...and an hour later, our Dr. came in and said we could go home that day....!!! There is NOTHING my God cannot do.

We are now home, 1 month later...and it has been a joy. The first couple weeks were pretty uncomfortable but God has been so gracious and so faithful in bringing Billy and I through this. Looking back at our nurses and dr’s, we would not have made it without them...they were truly incredible not only medically, but what an amazing support and encouragement they were to us the entire time we were there. God provided a huge support of family and friends that covered us in prayer during our stay and lifted myself and our son up to the Lord. We truly believe that our story is an amazing testimony of our sweet and powerful heavenly Father who walked us through every step of the way.

Many have wanted to blame our dr’s or wonder how this happened and why they let me go so long. My pregnancy was pretty textbook (minus the first 20 weeks of morning sickness...). I never measured above average, the first two ultrasounds were pretty normal, just a couple days off here and there (which is normal) and my body showed absolutely no signs of delivering any time soon. They did a fetal stress test late in my pregnancy, extra labs and an extra exam after a little bleeding and everything was normal. I always felt that I was further along than I was on paper, but I had nothing to show for it, so they kept the original due date. After looking at him, his size, his development, they are estimating 2-3 weeks late. We truly believe that the Dr’s took magnificent care of us and that with everything Luke and I both went through, they were the best practice for the situation and we would hands down allow them to deliver our next child.

So why am I sharing all these lovely details with you? Because I hope you will see that God, the creator of all things, the great physician, the great I AM, the wonderful counselor... should receive all the glory for our story. He brought Billy and I into this world, He reached down and chose us as HIs children and saved us, He allowed us to meet and He brought marvelous people into our lives to encourage and build us up before we were married. He has given us a community of friends and family that are constantly challenging and building us up in our faith...and now, He allowed us to give birth to our son Luke, and despite the insanity that happened while we were in the hospital, we were able to find trust in Him because of all that He has done for us in the past. He provided excellent nurses and dr’s, he took our son off oxygen and discharged him faster than any dr. in that hospital would have expected, he kept me from having surgery and with every single thing that came up, He blasted us with His goodness and kept our eyes on Him.

This past Sunday we sang a song, Tis so Sweet to Trust in Jesus. And friends, what a sweet sweet blessing it was during this trying time to truly trust in Jesus.

38 weeks: Things I've Learned

1. If something feels out of the ordinary, it's totally normal...after all, you're pregnant, right???
(Dr. I think I have a stick growing out of my head...normal. Dr., I can't really get a full breath of air and my heart rate is really high, I feel very faint....normal. Dr., I think I am turning into an alien...normal.)

2. At this stage in the game, the overachiever tendencies are just not possible. Choose 1 thing a day to try and accomplish, and it is truly amazing if it actually gets done.

3. As great as you feel when you wake up in the morning, know that you WILL need a nap in the afternoon at some point...which might last until evening, which might even last until the next morning.

4. No matter how early you cut off the liquids at night, you will inevitably get up to go to the bathroom at least 3 times.

So far this pregnancy has been relatively easy, minus being sick to my stomach for the first 20 weeks. But honestly, I can't really remember how bad it was, I just know in my head that I was pretty miserable. But here we are, 38 weeks pregnant, expecting our son to arrive very soon. I'm feeling pretty good right now...some days are better than others, but again it's been fairly easy. I get tired, sure, but my back doesn't hurt and I don't feel like this kid has to get out right now or I might die. So I think that's a win, right?? It's hard to wrap my mind around all that has happened in the last few months of the pregnancy. In the midst of Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Years I somehow managed to stay energized (praise God) to finish up all my schoolwork for my undergrad and completed my last day of work on December 31st. HUGE sigh of relief. I feel like life has been on hold for the past semester. Things at home, things with my husband, things for the baby...it has all just been piling up for so long while I tried to balance working every day and then attending school multiple nights a week. I don't know how people manage all of that on top of having children in the house. Thankfully we don't have to find out :)

The past 2 weeks or so have been a huge adjustment but oh such a sweet time of learning. I am finally getting to do the things at home that I've longed to do since Billy and I got married. I find such pleasure in the simple things, like knowing my husband has a drawer full of clean undershirts or knowing that there are clean towels in the linen closet and fresh sheets on the bed (ask me how much I like laundry after a little one is here...might change a bit ;) ). I find such satisfaction knowing that when one of us opens the refrigerator there is something healthy and desireable to eat that is not growing scary colors on it. I love being available to take Billy to the airport and pick him up, providing a meal for him...I love serving my husband and our home. And as I sit here and think about how much I love it, I can't help but be reminded of God's grace and His perfect provision and portion for Billy and I at this time to allow me to not work outside the home. At first it was a tough adjustment, preparing months ago for a drop in income. But at the same time it has been truly a blessing for our marriage trusting in the Lord and learning to live without so many things we once had. I would gladly trade the extra cable package, extra clothing budget and extra money to eat out at fancy places for the opportunity to learn what God has in store for us during this season as I learn how to serve my home in the ways God asks of me.

So baby stuff...the room is almost "finished" and the many areas of our house that have been disorganized for the past 6 months are almost finished being organized. Billy opens a cabinet or drawer and says, "Seriously...another basket?" I guess I've kind of developed an obsession with baskets lately... anyways. We are getting "ready." I don't know what that really means, seeing as the next 20 years of our lives are going to be a total roller coaster of learning all God has in store to teach us as we try and figure out what on earth we are doing with this child He has given us. We like to talk at night about what he might be like, our son. Whether he'll look like Billy or myself, be quiet or talkative, and what it will be like to hold him for the first time. The other night Billy looked over at me and said, "I just can't wait to hold him...I'm jealous that you get him all the time, feeling him move and roll around and I don't get that." Ok, really??? I love that man. Though I have been around many many babies and children I still get anxious about having one of our own. I am not afraid of baby things, like baths, crying, bottles, poop...I feel like I have a pretty good grasp of that kind of thing. I am anxious, however, about being mommy all day every day, being totally responsible for this little one. Knowing that he is going to see (or not see) Jesus through my testimony on a daily basis is scary. He is going to understand Christ through the way my husband loves me and the way I respect my husband. And we mess up, a lot. And knowing that we are the ones he is looking to is hard to swallow. I'm fearful of the mistakes I know I will make. I do believe, though, that God has given women and mothers the wisdom to parent, so I am resting in His guidance and trying to choose trust in Him for wisdom on how to parent this baby. There are so many books, websites and parenting techniques out there...and that scares me. What if we choose the wrong one? What if we mess up? What if, what if, what if.... Thankfully we serve an awesome and sovereign God, and He will equip us with the wisdom and energy we need. And I keep coming back to the same thought over and over again: What did women do in the beginning??? They did not google anything...they didn't go to the library and check out a book on parenting techniques or how to schedule your baby. I am fully aware that I have no idea what motherhood will be like...BUT...people keep having babies, and they have been since the creation of man. And I can rest knowing that I am being carried in my Father's arms and that He will give me the strength and wisdom and encouragement I need in order to raise this child like He desires. So that is my prayer at this point as we wait in ancticipation for our son to arrive.

We are so excited to meet our sweet son and we are praying for humble and teachable hearts knowing that we are about to embark on an adventure that will change us forever. We are overwhelmed with all of our friends love and support and their excitement as well. So, 38 weeks and counting... until then, I'll be napping a lot :)

A little polka dot...

Today, I am 5 1/2 weeks pregnant with our baby! Such a tiny little dot growing inside of me...what a miracle. My first Dr's appointment was yesterday and it was a little overwhelming, but fun at the same time :) Our due date is February 2, 2010!

It's been almost a year since Billy and I said our vows and committed our lives as one to our Savior. It was a joyous day and celebration... Shortly after our honeymoon began a journey into trusting every aspect of our lives to Christ...something we thought we had covered.

How we got here...

Shortly after Billy and I got engaged we decided I should go on the pill to get my body used to it before our wedding night. We had saved ourselves for our wedding day so the idea of contraception and prevention was pretty new to the both of us. I went into my dr's appointment very unaware and uneducated on the choice I was making, and willingly took whatever prescription she wrote. About a month after we got married we started to question our motives for going on the pill and what it was doing physically to my body. God is the one that open and closes the womb, He is the Author of Life...Did we really think that WE were (or should be) in control of bringing LIFE into this world? Children are seen all throughout scripture as blessings. Was our reason for going on the pill only so that we wouldn't be "inconvenienced?" We said we weren't ready...but if that's the case, would God really give us a child if it were more than we could handle? God had proved over and over that He will provide for us and never abandon us, yet we felt that we needed more money. As we began to evaluate our reasons for preventing and our reasons for using the pill, we were overwhelmed with how selfish our motives were. Throughout Scripture we see that children are blessings from the Lord, and we were telling the Lord that we wanted to take matters into our own hands and say "no thanks" to the blessings He may have in store for us at this time....


WAIT! You're probably thinking...holy moly, are they going to be like the Duggar's and have 18 kids?! What we're not saying is that prevention is wrong. We're also not saying that we want to have 18 kids :) What we are saying, though, is that we chose to go on the pill for all the wrong reasons. We selfishly wanted to live life for ourselves, and part of that included keeping God out of the plan of having kids. For us, it was a trust issue. By God's grace, He provided a sermon at the perfect time one Sunday morning. We had been spending so much time in prayer before our Lord asking Him for answers on our next steps. I'll never forget hearing our pastor talk about stepping out and trusting God with the big stuff, the things we want to hold on to. Billy looked at me and we knew, we needed to surrender control to this aspect of our lives.

Over the next few months I kept getting really scared that I was pregnant right away. I kept worrying and wondering every month when it was time for me to start. I was afraid it would all happen to soon. Then it got to the point where I wasn't pregnant right away so I started to worry that I couldn't get pregnant. It was like the flipside of the trust issue...Ok, Lord, we've trusted you with this and we trust that You know the best timing, but why hasn't it happened yet? I wasn't trusting that He would give us children in His time if that was His plan.

One night I was so sick of worrying and I finally laid in the bed (Billy was away for work) and I put my hand over my belly and said, "Lord take it...I want it to be yours and I don't want to worry anymore. I want to trust you completely and I give it to you." A few days later after some unusual symptoms, Billy and I started to wonder if I was pregnant...

After asking a few nurses at church if it were too early for me to take a test, I went for it! Billy was at the movies with some friends really late on a Sunday night and I decided I'd just go ahead and take a test that Billy had bought earlier that day. Slowly but surely, a blue positive started to appear! I took another one to be sure, and yep...another blue positive! I tried to think of something creative and fun to do for Billy to let him know he was going to be a DAD but I was just so overwhelmed with the positive that I just paced back and forth for a while. Then I heard the door open and I ran downstairs and just blurted it, "I'm pregnant!!" He looked at me to see if I was kidding, and when he realized I wasn't he started smiling and laughing from ear to ear. We shared the next few moments together in shock but so incredibly amazed and excited. I was a little sick to my stomach so he made me some noodles and butter and we sat on the couch and talked for the next two hours. It was such a sweet and precious time for us.

So here we are...amazed, excited, grateful and overwhelmed!! As I look back through this part of our marriage I can see God's hand all over it. In the beginning He let us cross paths with several people who were wondering through the same thing, which was so neat to talk and pray through together. He gave us that sermon at the perfect time that helped us take the step in trusting Him with it all. He allowed Billy and I to get adapted to Billy's new travel schedule (every week) before all the new hormones came.. An awesome job opportunity came up yet I felt like the Lord continued to tell me "No" to the position (even though I REALLY wanted to say yes)...now we know why :) The timing of our pregnancy allows me to finish up my last semester in December and still have time to get ready for baby! He has given Billy new opportunities at work which will make it easier for me to stay at home with our baby. All of these details He cared about and He knew the best timing! Looking at those details reminds me over and over that He has the best plan for us. It has been hard, but such a blessing to trust in Him for all things.

I promise I won't write so much next time...