Friday, June 28, 2013

Freedom

Freedom.

This week my [not so baby] baby, Luke, was finally of age to attend a local VBS.  Or Kids Week, as they call it.  Selfishly, I was thrilled.  I thought he might like it, but I knew I would love it.  A little freedom to do what I wanted to do at the house while Everett took a morning nap.  Or a little more freedom at the grocery store only worrying about one child instead of 2; Freedom to drink my [overpriced] coffee beverage while Everett slept in the car.

Our overly sensitive (though wonderfully made, says the Psalms) and super introverted 3 year old needed a lot of prep work before being sent off for 2 hours each morning.  He likes to know whats coming, what to expect.  He hates large crowds, he hates the unknown, loud things make him cry and very nervous... so this was going to be a stretch.  But he has a love for all music, art and games.  We went into this knowing it would be a stretch for him, but prayerfully a good stretch.

Monday went ok, though he sobbed when I left.  I nervously kept my phone on loud and with me for all 2 hours and 2 minutes I was away (let's be honest.  I spent half of that time in the church parking lot anxiously chomping at the bit to get my boy) hoping I didn't get a call saying he needed to come home. No phone call.  Win!  The next day, after a lot of prep work he didn't shed a tear and happily nervously waved goodbye.  Day 3, complete exhausted and totally over this whole Kids Week business.  And dropping him off was oh so hard.  I second guessed myself, wondered if it was really worth it, why on earth am I forcing him to do this?  But a friend sweetly reminded me, the gospel is for all people introverted or not.  And community is something God desires so deeply for us.  So even though he is 3 and even though he does well with one on one, there will come a day when he must be ok with people.  And starting now isn't going to hurt him and the people at this church so desperately give of themselves to love on my boy each day.  SO.  We pushed through.  And prayed through.  Oh God, would you please use this to show yourself to my big guy!  Would you comfort him?  Would you show him that he can do this?  Would you help him understand that when he is sad, YOU can bring him joy?  Show him he can talk to you all the time, please, Lord?  These are the prayers we prayed often with and without Luke.  Luke was a dancing fool that day when I came to him.  During the music he was so free and uninhibited.  I cried.  I saw victory.  I saw a sweet answer to prayer.  On the way home, he sweetly and sheepishly said, "Mommy.  God helped me be ok today and have a good time."  OH sweet Jesus, thank you.  Thank you for giving him a glimpse of your goodness.  Thank you....  Day 4, again a lot of prep work and even staying a little bit in the beginning to keep him calm and leave him on a good note. But he did it.  I did it.  And when I came to get him oh my heavens I nearly fell over in sweet praise for the confidence and freedom Luke found.  It may seem so small, but for us its not.  Kids Week was the antithesis of every fiber of his being.  Loud. A mascot.  Lots of screaming.  No one he knew.  But God was so good.  And while I wanted freedom this week, freedom for just a couple hours each morning...God has such greater plans in revealing true freedom to our family.  I hope and pray that in the way he found freedom to break dance and boogie and lift his hands in worship will stick with him.  "It is for freedom that Christ has set you free...Galations 5:1"

Here are my very favorite quotes from Luke this week that show the evolution of his heart this week....

"I like my Sunday School class better.  There aren't as many people."
"Today is Tuesday!  Only 3 more days of camp and then I never have to go back!"
"Today is Wednesday, Mommy!  Only 2 more days of camp and then I never have to go back!  Wait, is there camp in the fall?  Does fall time end?  And then summer again?  Oh.  Do I have to go back next summer?"
"Mommy.  God really helped me have a good time today.  He gave me comfort."
"Mommy, did you know God loves us all the way down to our toes?"
"Today is our pizza party and then no more camp!  But there will be camp next summer, right?  I think I'll go back."