I Want What I Want

Lately in our home we have been talking in much detail about worry and trust.  Our first born is a worrier and can be a bit controlling.  A rule follower to his core, and everything he does is with a plan in mind.  This is fun at times, comical others.  And sometimes very irritating.  Stepping back I see that at the very end of it, it is worry.  Worry that things aren't going to go his way; things might not go according to his plan.  What if...  There's not enough... But I want... That's not how we....

At the end of the day it is worry that he's not going to get what he wants, that it's not going to go the way he planned.  A trust issue.

And this week as I stared down at 6 little faces from Compassion International in need of a one time emergency gift I was worried.  I didn't trust.  I didn't believe we could help because..
what if we could use that money for Christmas gifts.
There's not enough to pay for them and also new tires, oil changes, etc.
But I really wanted to buy the materials for Billy to build our dining room table.
That's not how we budgeted that money.

And I see that I have the same trust issue.  I worry.  Will there be enough, Lord?  This is not what I wanted.  This wasn't my plan.  And while keeping the kids pictures out on the counter for a few days in hopes that I might have a change in heart and stop being so selfish my husband walked in with a check from a doctor he saw over 2 years ago.  Enough to cover every one of those children's immediate needs.

So this evening as I wait for my absolutely lovely Bible Study ladies to arrive I am filled with praise.  Praise that my God is the God who provides.  And breaks the chains of worry.  And reminds me that even when I don't want to and I am stuck on wanting what I want when I want it.... He is still God.  And He has not finished His work in me.

"Trust in the Lord, and do good; Dwell in the land, and feed on His faithfulness." Psalm 37:3