I Surrender

Here we are, February 6, 2010. In the Grimme house it is just Billy and I (plus my belly) and of course, Wyatt. We have so much coming in the few days ahead as we prepare for Luke to arrive. Yep, you read correctly, Luke. The other day we officially decided on the name of our first son, Lucas Michael Grimme. Before we make a huge transition and our lives become significantly more tired and busy, I wanted to jot down some thoughts of what the Lord has been teaching me over the past few days...

Early in the pregnancy I learned very quickly that I was holding onto some major control issues. I didn’t like being out of control of my body - the weight gain, the morning sickness, the exhaustion. Nothing I could do on my own would make it stop or go away, and I really had to surrender (again and again) my physical body to the Lord. As the pregnancy progressed and I kept getting bigger, it has been a constant battle to be ok with how my body is changing and that it might not ever look like it did pre - pregnancy. It has been a blessing to learn and relearn that my body is the Lord’s, to be used for His glory, not my vanity. Our expected due date was February 2, though all along we’ve thought that the dr’s had it wrong and it would actually be January 31. January 31 came and went, February 2 came and went...and no Luke. Funny thing is, a dear friend of mine had her baby on February 2. Her due date was 2 weeks after mine. Then later in the day, we get another call...another friend is having her baby on February 2, and she was also due later than me. At first I was upset, thinking very selfishly, “No, this is my due date! And I don’t show any sign of any baby coming out!!” And then I got over it and rejoiced with them :) So Billy and I started taking matters into our own hands trying out every wives tale you can imagine - including castor oil. Nothing set me into labor. I found myself continually praying, Lord it’s fine...I just want him to be healthy and I want to be ok with whatever your plan is for us. I’m not sure that I really meant it though. We had an appointment Friday to see if there was any progress, and what do you know?! Nothing. We are scheduled to be induced on Tuesday morning after being “prepped” Monday night. It has been a little hard to swallow, but I am getting over it. Then, this morning. Another dear dear friend of ours called to let us know (drumroll please...) - she’s in labor!! When I heard the news, I was excited but again confused and shocked as to why not me. It’s not that I am feeling anxious or impatient. But the feelings of doubt and wondering what is wrong with me, my body and why can’t I make it do what I want it to do overwhelm my mind. And then the Lord graciously reminded me in the midst of my selfish and prideful thinking .... surrender. It’s not about me. At all. It has nothing to do with my own strength or my own power, it has to do with the Lord’s amazingly perfect timing, which far surpasses my own plans. It has to do with the Lord bringing our son into the world when He sees fit. So once again, I threw my hands up this morning while making the bed (and shedding a few tears) and surrendered. I am done trying to make Luke come out, and trying to understand why. It doesn’t matter really. The fact is, God is sovereign and I am not. And no matter what, it is His glory that counts and when He brings Luke, His miracle that He created on His timetable, into the world...we will rejoice with Him and praise Him for His goodness. Last night while I was taking a break to read and relax a little, this verse hit me...I want to live freely and lightly.