Thankful for His giving

Lame = calling this a "blog" seeing as I have written 2 (going on 3) posts in the past 5 months. Sometimes I don't think I have anything worth saying so I just opt not to write unless it's going to be something great. And I feel like this is going to be pretty great...b/c it's about Jesus and all He has done for Billy and I this past month. Today as I was driving and wondering out loud with the Lord I felt impressed to write about it.....So here it goes....

Let me preface (this might be a 2nd preface...)by saying for the past 6 months or so I have been begging of the Lord to make Himself known to me and to let my heart have a greater passion for Him. A lot of times my prayers would be, "Lord I don't feel like talking but will you help me love you more and make me want to talk to you again?" I felt like He wasn't answering, and honestly I started talking and praying that prayer even less because I decided it wasn't happening. I promise this will mean something in the end of this post :)

So among many of my sinful habits is spending money unwisely. And spending unwisely doesn't work well (as if it ever worked well?) especially when you have a baby coming. Last month I made some poor decisions with money we had. I guess my spontaenous nature...impulsive, rather....got the best of me and I had a blast shopping for maternity clothes and baby clothes. At the end of the month when Billy and I couldn't put anything in savings (which we had JUST talked about a few weeks before since we're trying to save for the baby) I felt SO convicted and really embarassed to talk to Billy about it. Not because my husband is controlling or would be angry, but because I was ashamed at how I used God's money. So this of course led to a budget talk and we (my husband tried to make it sound like he did the damage too - he is so kind that way...but really, it was my fault) decided that we both needed to tighten the reigns and really evaluate our hearts and surrender the budget to the Lord. I feel like we've had that talk a lot, but for some reason this time was different. Maybe because I was on board this time ;)

So - the budget talk....we moved to an envelope system. Yep, putting a certain amount of cash in an envelope and only spending what's in the envelope, no debit cards. Menu planning like crazy and eating what was in our house, making the most of everything in the freezer, fridge and pantry. We cut back on several "luxuries" in order to handle our money better. What's funny is that Billy and I thought it was about the money. Here are some crazy things God did to blow our minds and reveal new things to us that we never imagined would come from changing the way we spend money.

1- Without these "luxuries" my husband and I have truly had the best quality time and learning adventure since we've gotten married (and honestly, we've had a fantastic first year to begin with - so that's an extra bonus!).
2 - with the extra bills we had from the Dr and unexpected expenses throughout the month we were going to be about $550 short if we were going to put money in savings (which makes me laugh because having the option to save in itself is a blessing). Of course, we didn't have to put money in savings, but we felt like we should seeing as we're having a baby and all. Well, in overpaid medical bills (from 3 months ago), extra income from Billy's work, and rebates from switching to a different phone service...God provided the exact amount we were going to be short so we still got to put in savings what we felt He was leading.
3 - I've really wanted to start purchasing the fabric for the nursery but we've held off this month and decided we would buy it later in November. Well, we overpaid another bill and got another check back that is going to be almost to the dollar of what the bedding will cost. Should I be surprised at His goodness and timing?
4 - When I quit work to stay at home it will cost Billy $195 out of his paycheck to add myself and the baby on for health insurance. A family friend called us on Monday and said (not knowing ANYTHING about our situation) that she could refinance our home and lower our interest rate enough to save us $200/month. Not to mention having 2 months free of a mortgage - the same time the baby is due. Again - why am I surprised that He would do this???
5 - I have not purchased clothes in over a month (that's big for me...) and I have had 2 weeks worth of clothes without having to repeat an outfit...I don't have a problem repeating what I wear, but I think God wanted to show me that I really didn't need anything else and that I had way more than most of the world.
6 - our refridgerator and freezer literally multiplied in food. Jesus fed the 5000? He also fed the 2.5 in my home and had tons to share and save in the freezer for when I don't feel like cooking or if our envelope has no more grocery money in it. I honestly didn't know what to do with all the food that kept appearing in my house. It's like I would make a lasagna, and somehow it made two so we had an extra to throw in the freezer. What normally would only feed us for one meal suddenly started turning into lunch leftovers. Either God shrunk my husband's appetite or multiplied our food...both would be miracles ;)
7 - God laid it on our hearts to start supporting an old friend that's going into the ministry, even though our income is decreasing (and we battled really hard with the Lord that since our income was decreasing then our tithing could decrease...) - guess what? We had extra money after supporting our friend to pay for another friend (who is out of a job, doesn't know Jesus and isn't plugged into a church) to join the SBF soccer team with Billy - awesome outreach.

At first we both thought it was about the money. We needed to prepare and be ready for the baby. We needed to have 3 months of income saved up in case Billy loses his job. We needed to stop spending frivelously in order to prepare for the baby and to save 3 months income in case Billy lost his job. It was all about "wasting" money - which is a GREAT thing to learn. And I believe God wanted to show us that. But really, it was about trusting Him. It was about leaning on Him and turning to Him for all that we need. It is walking into the days ahead fully believing that when our bank account doesn't add up to what our expenses are going to be, He is going to provide in ways we couldn't imagine. He challenged us to a new level of generosity and reminded us that it's ALL His. The fact that I have the option between maternity clothes and non-maternity clothes is a blessing...so many people do without. We had food on our table for 3 meals a day for every single day of the month - and I complain that we don't make enough money sometimes? Billy has been searching for new jobs because we have been concerned that after I quit we won't make enough money to cover everything. Last night when we were talking we both agreed that right now, we hope God doesn't give Billy a new job because watching God provide in these ways is too sweet to pass up right now. I'd rather watch God provide like this for the rest of my life than to have Billy get a new job that keeps us living "comfortably."

So - the beginning of my post...Lord would you show yourself to me?? As I look back on this month and see his fingerprints on every single day, I think this is His reply: "Is this clear enough? I just wanted you to know that I'm Awesome and I want to provide for you. So stop trusting in yourself and turn to Me - that's when you will find Me and see Me again."

That's all for now, friends.