So...What's it Like...

They say when you get married you realize how selfish you are. And then you have a baby and you realize even more how much of your life is - or was - all about you. And then you go and have another baby.......... (and all you mom's of more than 2 children are laughing right now).

Billy and I have decided that if you wake up each morning expecting and knowing that this day is in no way about yourself, then you're good to go. Which is funny because that's the entire premise of the gospel anyways. I thought I was already more about others than myself. However, the Lord is still in the process of doing a work in me and He is not finished yet, thank goodness. And thank goodness His mercies are new each morning! So after taking me 4 weeks to understand that really my job is to serve my King by serving my family and putting myself last (taken to a whole new level now..), the question "What's it Like?" is much easier to answer and I am no longer staring like a deer in headlights. It is busy. The things that I thought would be hard aren't as hard and the things I didn't really think through have proven to be a bit more difficult. Everett is precious. And seeing Luke as a big brother is also precious and wonderful. And then seeing my two little boys with my handsome husband ... be still my heart. I am in love with how God has shaped my family right now. But the day to day - let's be honest - life with two is tiring. I am constantly needed by the husband, the children or the dog. I rarely sit down to eat, and when I do it is quickly interrupted by my littlest one. Most meals or beverages I prepare for myself I find later in the day untouched and cold remembering that I was supposed to eat at some point. It is inevitable that the minute my body lays in my bed sweet Everett wakes up. Some mornings I wake up feeling like I have nothing in me to give after a night of no sleep. BUT. God, in all His goodness has given me joy in those moments (er...my husband would probably beg to differ that I have joy at 3 am....truth.). He gives me laughter with my husband at 5 am as we wonder how on earth we're supposed to function on this day. He gives me snuggles with my Luke and conversations with him that keep me giggling and amazed as we go about our day. He gives me glimpses of Himself as He sustains me in my weariest moments. And I am continually reminded that in all the tired, in all the mess, in all the "being needed" He. Is. My. Portion. In those moments of frustration, impatience and irritability, I see my need for a Savior. And because He loves me I can love my family. Because He sustains me I am able to meet their needs. I am able to give more because of the sacrifice my King gave for me. I am able to give grace because of the grace He has given me. I don't want to ever forget my sinful state or think that I've got it all figured out...so I am thankful that through my husband and through my children God is continuing a work in me. So the gift of my family is just that. A gift. Tiring? Absolutely. Draining? At times. But most definitely worth it.